You Haven't Lived
by haveyouseenmyhaggis
Summary: Spock and Scotty struggle to understand each others cultures. Focusing on differences in cuisine as a result of a certain Scottish celebration.


**Title: You Haven't Lived**

**Summary: Spock and Scotty struggle to understand each others cultures. Focusing on differences in cuisine! **

**Author's Note: My attempt at Marinus-pseudothyrum's challenge: **Humourous story, involving Spock and Scotty trying to understand each other and failing because of various reasons (these can include accents, ears, heritage, drink etc) keep it clean, any pairings you want! **So hopefully I've done this justice. As I'm Scottish, a lot of this came from what I know. Some references may be unknown to some of you. Hope it makes sense! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own _Star Trek 2009._**

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It was a lazy morning on board the _Enterprise._ There wasn't anything out of the ordinary to deal with so the crew could take their time eating their breakfast. Scotty walked purposefully into the canteen and found First Officer Spock already there with a bowl of cereal.

"Good morning, Officer," he said with a smile as he walked in and helped himself to a bowl of bran flakes and tipped milk on them from the jug at the serving hatch. The Scotsman smiled as he remembered the date: the twenty-fifth of January - Burn's Day.

"Is something entertaining you, Mr Scott?" Spock asked as Scotty sat down opposite him at the long steel table.

"Just thinking. It's Burn's day today," he said. Spock raised an eyebrow expectantly so he continued, "The day when a' Scotland celebrates our national poet! Robbie Burns?"

"I have heard of his work," Spock nodded, "I was not, however, aware that your country celebrated him annually."

"Aye, there are ceilidhs and huge suppers an' all sorts. Great fun! My ma' used t' hae the best parties. Haggis, neeps and tatties… My old man would read the Address To A Haggis. Been around years an' they still say it," Scotty explained, his eyes alight with childhood memories."What's your national dish then?" he asked eventually. He didn't know much about Vulcan and surely when he was working with people so closely he should at least make an effort to understand them better.

"We had varying dishes depending on where on Vulcan you resided," Spock informed him without looking away from his breakfast, "Rather like on Earth, I believe."

"Aye, I guess so. What I wouldnae give for a plate o' haggis, neeps an' tatties," Scotty smiled, a faraway look in his eyes as he reminisced about times gone by.

"I do not see the attraction of eating a sheep's entrails," Spock said, surveying the young Scot critically.

Scotty looked momentarily lost for word so shrugged and changed the subjects. "What about drink then? Where you come from, do you have a drink you find there and very few other places? Like Irn Bru?"

"I can assure you, Vulcan has nothing like your Irn Bru."

"But Spock! It's ginger! It's fizzy! It's phenomenal!" Scotty laughed cheerfully. When the Vulcan looked puzzled he elaborated, "Sorry, old Irn Bru advert from the twenty first century. Sums it up brilliantly, in my opinion."

"I still do not see the appeal of such a drink," Spock said with his eyebrows raised. The expression he wore was the closes the ever got to puzzlement.

Scotty gaped at him for a moment before regaining his composure and asking, "So didn't you have anything like that on Vulcan? You know, a drink that everyone wanted to buy? Something people bought to, you know, get them through days when they've not had enough sleep?"

"There wasn't a need for carbonated, sugary drinks on Vulcan," Spock replied tersely.

"Whiskey, then? What about whiskey? Did you hae that?"

"The majority of Vulcans are tee-total. In other words, we do not drink alcohol," the Vulcan commander stated tonelessly.

Scotty looked horror-struck as he sipped from his mug of coffee. "You haven't lived, mate!"

"I believe I have been alive for-."

"It's a figure of speech," Scotty rolled his eyes. He looked genuinely confused that the Vulcan hadn't tasted whiskey before. "I think we should go out one night and give you a little taste of the world!"

"Sounds good!" came a new voice from behind them. Scotty and Spock looked around and saw none other than Captain Kirk striding towards them with his usual grin firmly in place. "We're on shore leave from tomorrow. We could make an occasion of it."

"I do not think that is wise, Captain," Spock said as he turned back to his glass of juice.

"And why would that be?" Kirk demanded, his eyes sparkling.

"Yeah, why?" Scotty demanded, "You might enjoy yourself!"

"I can assure you I would not," Spock retorted immediately.

Kirk rolled his eyes, "Suit yourself," he shrugged. Spock knew it wouldn't be the last he heard of it. He looked at the enthusiastic Scot sitting beside him and decided he'd never fully see the logic of the Scottish culture.


End file.
